Heavy

I've been under considerable pressure at work, being a one-man band taking care of everything, and very prone to slip-ups and absent-mindedness all the time. It doesn't help that right now I'm not exactly in a healthy mental state; the total pressure of it all is almost making me crack.



Although I have resolved to put some personal matters to rest, it still has not helped the total outcome; I have to chase a material submission today, when I'm totally unprepared. I have come early to the office today to at least start everything earlier, just so at least I feel I'm putting the effort into it.



This whole affair about perception of the mind has been very distracting from the start. Time to put a stop to it. Let's start talking real time.



Part of yesterday, while working, was spent talking with an old friend I haven't really talked to in years; I feel I share some of the same roots and obstacles in life with her, so we traded tips and advice (at least, more on her part due to my condition). It's sometimes refreshing to hear what you know in your heart is right, be told by someone else, so you're reminded that you really have to listen to what your heart says.



I must apologize to the dear readers of this blog, if there actually is, of the negativity and ambiguity of recent posts. On one hand, that's how I actually really am, full of negativeness and ambiguity, on the other, well... it's just been one of those weeks. I do not find it possible to write anything other than this, as somehow, like I have often written, my negative perception of reality dismisses the significance of any every day occurrance that may, under different circumstances, be written here.



Also, as part of the resolution of this blog, I repeat, I will not elaborate on such events or thoughts, only on the fact that it is significantly in my mind right now.



I need a holiday. When I moved to this new office, it was September 30th at the old office, and October 1st at this office, with no down time or cooling down period whatsoever. So much to do in so little time. So, I need a holiday. Think I'll cut school on Friday, and sleep in or something. Yeah, that would be nice.