Saturday, December 31, 2005

Which Fantasy/SciFi Character Are You?

Which Fantasy/SciFi Character Are You?

Galadriel

Possessing a rare combination of wisdom and humility, while serenely dominating your environment you selflessly use your powers to care for others.

Even the smallest person can change the course of the future.
Galadriel is a character in the Middle-Earth universe.

A Short Look Back on 2005

Today is New Year's day, and I woke up at about 7 PM since I already slept at about 11.45 PM last night. Such a good night's sleep, as my body was really tired from the more-than-normal workout yesterday.

Since I'm usually in a contemplating mood on the new year, here's a look back on 2005:
January:
In love with the ghost in the other room; and still struggling to speed up the pace at work. Had a nice short trip to Bali though. And finally, I let go of my PDA of 2 years for a smartphone.
February:
My harddisk crashed! And 3 years' worth of data, gone. Dreading the coming of March...
March:
One of the busier months of the year. Participated in Java Jazz Festival 2006 as, well, something, and only a week later, off to Bangkok. I got my iPod! Alas, March came with a loss as well...
April:
Still brooding with a loss, yet excited with another... going off to Kuala Lumpur at the end of the month.
May:
Fell in love, with apparently the wrong woman... and this would drag on for months. The Boyz II Men concert was okay, though; a lifelong dream.
June:
My 27th birthday, and still clueless about the world... and about women. Still tossin' and turvin' with the same old problem, oblivious to the truth...
July:
Busy at work, lots of projects to follow up. Heart still hanging in limbo... yet yearning for more
August:
Whose face do you see in the glittering starry midnight? And other stories. Work is hell as usual. Did a strange trip covering 3 cities in 2 days.
September:
Less sleep, but more fun waking hours :)
October:
Finally had time for a holiday, and I went to Kuala Lumpur, again. I must love that place... my wallet is still hurting from that trip. Other areas of life seemingly resolved but somewhat not.
November:
Very busy month, work and social engagements, Lebaran also... and starting to move on, finally. But apparently, I have time to fall in love with the morning haze...
December:
Achieved a higher level of clarity, giving me more satisfaction and evenness in those small minutes of the day... Work is a mix between slow and hectic, towards the new year...

Apparently, internal change is much more important to me, and I really think... 2005, despite all the trials and tribulations, has left me with something better... so, even if you were a total bitch, here's to you, 2005!

A Moment Before Midnight

I don't really if this is the norm or not with me, but the festive mood that usually circles the new year had no affect at all to me. Until December 30th I had no idea what to 'do' for the new year, when everybody else were making plans of this and that, confirming this engagement or that party, or asking everybody else what they were going to do. I have been greeted with the "what are you doing for the new year?" question countless times, yet I have always anwered with an "I don't really know" or a "Not really thinking about it".
After a good workout session this morning, and bowling with Macfreak, I went home at around 8 PM, when the streets are still empty, with a magazine and some snacks to just lie low at home, probably watch a DVD, and unwind the starting-to-ache body.
So before the new year arrives, I want to just write something down here...
One dear to me said, on new year's eve, pray for something specific and special, so God knows what you want... I sure will be doing that.
People usually make new year's resolutions... so mine is, simply: lose weight. And feel better about myself! As these two are pretty high par, I think I'll stick to these two.
This post also the second new year it is seeing, a sort of a milestone... it also marks a year (plus a few days) of the tsunami disaster, to keep things in perspective.

I really wanted to spend the new year, any new year for that matter, with someone special, someone significant.... perhaps the new year by myself isn't so bad either.

Thursday, December 29, 2005

Senyum Beriring

apakah saat dan kejadian yang telah kutunggu-tunggu telah terjadi?
apakah sedang terjadi saat ini?

Sunday, December 25, 2005

She Has No Time

You think your days are uneventful
And no one ever thinks about you
She goes her own way
She goes her own way
You think your days are ordinary
And no one ever thinks about you
But we're all the same
And she can hardly breathe without you

She says she has no time
For you now
She says she has no time

Think about the lonely people
Then think about the day she found you
Or lie to yourself
And see it all dissolve around you

She says she has no time
For you now
She says she has no time
For you now
She says she has no time

Lonely people tumble downwards
My heart opens up to you
When she says

She says she has no time
For you now
She says she has no time
For you now
She says she has no time

[Keane]

The Culling

Last Friday, it was a fateful day for some of us at the office.
Due to a call for cost cutting and downsizing, the office finally notified the people who were affected by this policy; after a general announcement of the policy two weeks before. I must say, the atmosphere at the office during those two weeks running up to last Friday were very strange; the office was in kind of an ugly mood, working but not working, and definitely not in tune with the season's festivities.
An thus the day came, and one of our number, the so-called "lunch gang", has to leave...

So in line with Yosi's birthday, we winded the night down with laughter and prohibitive drinks (none for me, thanks, I'm driving)...

I guess it's part of corporate life... so, might as well get on with it...

Friday, December 23, 2005

I Hate Eating Alone

The one thing that I have never gotten used to in single life is eating alone. I really hate it, even though it's happened more often than not.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Your Latest Trick

All the late night bargains have been struck
Between the satin beaus and their belles
And prehistoric garbage trucks
Have the city to themselves
Echoes roars dinosaurs
They're all doing the monster mash
And most of the taxis and the whores
Are only taking calls for cash

I don't know how it happened
It all took place so quick
But all I can do is hand it to you
And your latest trick

My door was standing open
Security was laid back and lax
But it was only my heart got broken
You must have had a pass key made out of wax
You played robbery with insolence
And I played the blues in twelve bars down Lover's Lane
And you never did have the intelligence to use
The twelve keys hanging off my chain

I don't know how it happened
It all took place so quick
But all I can do is hand it to you
And your latest trick

Now it's past last call for alcohol
Past recall has been here and gone
The landlord finally paid us all
The satin jazzmen have put away their horns
And we're standing outside of this wonderland
Looking so bereaved and so bereft
Like a Bowery bum when he finally understands
The bottle's empty and there's nothing left

I don't know how it happened
It was faster than the eye could flick
But now all I can do is hand it to you
And your latest trick

[sung by Dire Straits]

Monday, December 19, 2005

Washaway

Do you know the feeling when you wake up and already you feel tired? Your body seems not fully rested, your eyes are weary, and you have moderate pains all over your body. I was always an early riser, but it seems lately that my habits (and my activities) have made me settle on a later sleeping time... thus, less sleep.
The morning exercises help; they jump-start my body into action, and also make it warm... my room can be quite chilly in the mornings due to the faulty air conditioner. The damn thing can't make up it's mind; it sometimes spouts hot air, and cold air the next, so I keep it on a colder setting than usual to be safe. Anyway, it always makes me wake up at about 4 in the morning just to turn off the aircon (I have utilized the timer function now... and they say you can't teach an old dog new tricks).
Morning exercises also wash out the bad feelings or bad memories left over from dreams or thoughts before sleep...

After All This Time...

I don't know, I may be overreacting, but -

All this time... your warmth, your splendor
Your friendly smile, your caring words
The gentle words of comfort and support, although sometimes naive and stubborn
The glow of your soul that warms and excites us all...
You're just so too good to be true -

you must be a lie.

Pahit

aku pagi ini senyum dalam kepahitan, karena kepahitan mengiringi kemurunganku yang semu;.... atau kebahagiaan yang semu? kesakitanku demikian membuat aku hanya bisa tersenyum, karena pelampiasan lain sudah tak sanggup kulakukan lagi.

jangan lagi, jangan lagi

aku relakan saja

Sunday, December 18, 2005

December Is Running Out Of Gray Days

You know, I really should change the lighting or something in my room.
On many mornings, since the sunlight never reaches my room directly, everything is always so gray, especially on those cold, overcast mornings. A lot of people associate gray to a somewhat depressing colour, so imagine waking up with that nuance in your head!
Either I have to program one of the lamps to turn on in the morning (which, notably, all of my lamps have yellow bulbs), or I need to repaint one of the walls. Well, since this is a rented room, I can't paint the walls; so perhaps all I need are some really huge posters with a lot of colour.
On the other hand, I still wake up in the morning feeling like I'm in love, though with less anticipation for the day, as I really just want the year to end quickly.

Well, I kind of have my hopes up for 2006, to really start up a new slate. Wish me luck guys, as I will to you.

Ketika

ketika ku rasakan sudah ada ruang di hatiku yang kau sentuh
dan ketika kusadari sudah tak selalu indah cinta yang ada
mungkin memang ku yang harus mengerti
bila ku bukan yang ingin kau miliki
salahkah ku bila
kau lah yang ada di hatiku

adakah ku singgah di hatimu
mungkin kah kau rindukan diriku
adakah ku sedikit di hatimu
bilakah ku mengganggu harimu
mungkin kah kau inginkan adaku
akankah ku sedikit di hatimu

bila memang ku yang harus mengerti
mengapa cintamu tak dapat ku miliki
salahkah ku bila kau lah yang ada di hatiku

bila cinta kita tak akan tercipta
ku hanya ingin sekedar tuk mengerti
adakah diriku singgah di hatimu
dan bila kah kau tau
kau lah yang ada di hatiku

adakah ku di hati mu


kalau mau jujur, aku sangat merindukanmu
[lagunya Maliq 'n D'Essentials]

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Ikhlas

ketika aku bangun pagi, rasa hampa yang biasanya ada tertelan oleh sebuah perasaan lain; yang kemarin-kemarin aku rasakan seperti jatuh cinta, walaupun tidak jelas aku jatuh cinta pada siapa; namun pagi ini aku rasakan bahwa perasaan itu justru adalah sakit yang sudah teredam, sebuah sakit yang sudah diiringi senyum yang terlatih. Sebuah senyum yang mengikhlaskan cinta maupun mara bahaya, sehingga timbul perasaan yang tenang, dan anehnya berjalan ke arah senang juga.

aku seperti tidak tahu lagi harus berbuat apa, hanya yang terbaik, dan sisanya aku ikhlaskan dan relakan saja.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Rise In The Morning

One of my most recent habits in the morning, is waking up a bit earlier than usual and just relaxing at home. I wake up, do the usual morning rituals, and turn on my computer to go online. I do whatever work there is to be done that can be done, chat with anybody who's online, and browse a little here and there.
I leave the lights on at a minimum, and just turn on one of the various reading lights in the room, keeping the horrid neon room light off. I turn on the news on TV just so I can skim through the headlines while I'm doing something else, and as usual, nothing of great significance is covered. It's usually some crime story or protest of rising tariffs, if not sports news. Well, no news is good news, I guess.
Almost simultaneously, a couple of my friends have been asking, "So, how's the 'scene'? Are you going out with anybody, lately?" I say "Zero."

Maybe I'll stay here for just a bit...

Sunday, December 11, 2005

Well, Now...

Whatever the truth is, it may be best that it stays hidden. I have no idea what it is, anyway, and have no intent of finding out... The words did their part, and the coast is clearer because of it. Somehow, you will never understand the entire truth anyway, as I do not either.

Case closed.

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Kehilangan

tiap hari kita akan kehilangan sesuatu, karena tak ada hal yang di dunia ini yang abadi, kecuali perubahan itu sendiri. tapi mengapa, bila semua orang menyadari ini, budaya manusia begitu mengacu pada sistem kepemilikan? mengapa harus memiliki apabila apa yang kau miliki hanya ada untuk sementara?

mungkin, karena dalam kesementaraan terdapat harapan...
tapi apa yang terjadi bila kita kehilangan harapan?

Friday, December 9, 2005

Before I Go Out

Fear of losing something or someone important is greater than fear of death. But if you fear losing something, do you actually own it beforehand?

Thursday, December 8, 2005

Perhaps I Shouldn't Have

So... despite some amount of work I had to do, last night I went to meet my college friends for a long-overdue session of... KARAOKE! The venue was Inul Vista, where you can record a video of you singing... not that we wanted to anyway (oh, perhaps except some of us). We chose that place as it was smack in the middle of town, so easier access for everybody.

So we sang into the night... and now I am veeeery sleepy.

If That's What It Takes

Comfort me
From a world where no one cares
Where the words turn into cages
And memories cut like glass

I closed my eyes on you
Put the blames on myself
The weight is on my shoulders
Throw my heart in the wishing well

I've got to face and tame my demons
I know it's hard to start over again,
yeah, I know.
Through trials and tribulations
Salvation's like a long lost friend

I'll take back all of the hurt
For your love I've taken for granted
I'll do anything to change
If that's what it takes

No use in pretending
Ain't no pride in it all
A cure for independence
Is when you're standing in the cold

Have I used, have I used my chances
Have my bridges all been burned
Give me a sign of inspiration
To find a stone that's left unturned

I see a distant promise of Eden
Lifting my spirits so high
If I can break out of the circle
Gonna kiss that carousel goodbye

I'll take back all of the hurt
For your love I've taken for granted
I'll do anything to change
If that's what it takes

I've got to see a promise of Eden
Lifting my spirits so high
If I can break, break out of the circle
Gonna kiss that carousel goodbye

I'll take back all of the hurt
For your love I've taken for granted
I'll do anything to change, baby
If that's what it takes

Take back all of the hurt
For your love I've taken for granted
I'll do anything to change
If that's what it takes
If that's what it takes

[Mr. Big]

Wednesday, December 7, 2005

Wanna Give It Some Thought?

You always say how you hate me doing this and that.
You always say how you don't like this person or that, that I've been hanging out with.
Always little insignificant protests.
And... somehow, I am also insignificant.

Maybe you wanna give it some thought? There may be some significance there.

Tuesday, December 6, 2005

Mind Trick

I missed the opportunity
to get you babe to stay with me.
Never thought, I'd regret the excuses that I've made
like a song,it will fade

If there's music in the night,
And it's really, really right,
It's the only thing I need.
it intoxicates your mind
All your troubles left behind
So come on and take my lead.
it's not just me who feels it
music plays a mind trick
watch me forget about missing you

so I put my feelings out to dry
love, one day again,
I'll have to try.
falling out, making up
it seems such a silly game
why do I never gain?

If there's music in the night,
And it's really, really right,
It's the only thing I need.
it intoxicates your mind
All your troubles left behind
So come on and take my lead.
it's not just me who feels it
music plays a mind trick
watch me forget about missing you

na na na's

If there's music in the night,
And it's really, really right,
It's the only thing I need.
it intoxicates your mind
All your troubles left behind
So come on and take my lead.
it's not just me who feels it
music plays a mind trick
watch me forget about missing you


[sung by Jamie Cullum]

Lebih Baik Kita Berhenti Berbicara

apa benar, bahasa yang kita pakai sekarang tidak berkembang? apa benar, kata-kata yang kita gunakan percuma saja untuk dipelajari secara lebih lamjut?

apa benar, semua kata-kata yang digunakan dalam bahasa ini terdengar begitu.... gombal? apakah benar bahasa yang aku pakai sekarang ini begitu kaku dan berkembang dengan istilah-istilah saduran dan paksaan?

kalau memang bahasaku salah, bahasaku tidak tepat, lebih baik kita semua berhenti berbicara.

namun, tak kenal maka tak sayang...

Saturday, December 3, 2005

Gearing Up

In the midst of the rush to close accounts at end of year, I am currently gearing up for a project that I have done for at least 3 times before; the project spans a few cities in Indonesia and the requirements become more demanding every project roll-out. I have hired a friend to help me full-time, if there are any tasks to do over the [work] day, so at least I do not have to burn too much midnight oil and wrap up the project closer than the still unrealistic deadline.
Nothing's really happening in the personal life area, I guess I'm just busy with... myself. I spent Friday night driving around Jakarta with Alfa through roads we have never been to before, talking about this and that along the way, and ending up going home at 2 AM (we did get a late start anyway).
Last night, Macfreak was in town with his girlfriend; he just got back Friday, so, as we discussed almost 2 weeks earlier, we were going to catch the latest Harry Potter movie together. I am not going to write a review, but... I guess, the span of time between me reading the books, watching the consecutive movies... is kind of long; and that can be a good and bad thing. The good thing was I was still caught by suprise by a few plots, but after I remembered what I read almost 2 years ago... I was a bit disappointed with the movie's
abbreviation". But I guess it can't be helped, as the original texts are as thick as my stomach.

Let's see if I can have lunch with someone special today.