Saturday, June 4, 2005

One-Month Conclusion

All I can say, that I've certainly been here before. I must be running around in circles...
I know exactly what to do. I know exactly how to handle it. I know how long it will take for all of it to die down and subside... well, at least I think I do.
Knowing something and going through it are always two different things.
I know my faults, as they are, are not entirely to blame, this time... but that does not make it easier. I feel like I haven't learned a damn thing. Perhaps I have, and perhaps the road doesn't end here.... but today, I am not alive. My body functions, and my brain will do the tasks it has been assigned to, but my soul is dead, and awaiting resurrection.
The day of its rebirth is yet to come, and I await that day.
In the meantime... let me revel in the throes of disconnection; let me dance in the emptiness of the room of mind, let me hum the same old song expressing the same old thing, yet again.
And I really thought... I still think... this was the path for the future. Never more. Hope is expensive nowadays. Hoping too much has always been my fault.
For what it's worth... thanks anyway.

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