Wednesday, March 2, 2005

Helping Out For Myself

I've been under considerable stress at the office, and perhaps overflowing to my personal life as well, because work is pushing me to do many things, a lot of them probably inconceivable for me to do a few years ago, and still scaring the hell out of me right now if I can do it, and personal life is a mess. Kind of just existing day to day, you know.
It has always been good therapy for me when I'm in the dumps, I try to help other people out or make other people happy, so I can give myself a bit of self-worth, and get my mind off things for the moment. So, many times I find myself in strange or akward situations, and since I'm depressed a lot, many people see me as a helpful person, when in fact I just do it for myself. Well, in most cases it's the will to help first, with an added value of good therapy.
So.... right now, I'm sitting at a commitee office, one trying to hold an international music festival which starts... in 2 days, helping out with small stuff here and there. I really want to help out, as it seems there are a lot of things that haven't been done, and my helping actually makes a difference, and... it keeps my mind of things going on at the office and personal life. Having feasible short-term goals to do, or small steps or challenges to overcome, is refreshing, and also helps with your self-esteem whenever you feel you aren't doing well at anything, you're no good to anyone, or you're forever trapped in the good-for-nothing mode.
The excitement of something new is always a good boost.

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